Does anyone remember the moment you finally decided to ditch the boys and the dream of a wonderful, sparkling-clean, flowery-scented house was well within your grasp? The kind of house that allowed you to do your dissertation in peace, the kind that didn’t hear mice in the floorboards or in the ceilings and the kind where the house surfaces could actually be seen? Contrary to popular belief, living with other girls is pretty awesome. Forget baking cupcakes and late night pillow fights, here are the secrets no one tells you about your female home.
Everything is communal.
Nothing is off limits. It goes far deeper than sharing each other’s clothes. Your bed and belongings are not yours, they’re “ours” and there’s no such thing as privacy. While one girl is showering, another is brushing her teeth and another is going to the loo all at the same time in the same room.
Spooning does happen.
When you’re hungover, when you’re napping, when you’re sad, when you’re Netflix-ing, when you’re happy, when you get in from a night out, even when there’s no justifiable reason, we spoon. Who needs boys these days?
Everyone will make digs about snaking the shower drain and taking the bin out.
Whether it be on your house chat or face-to-face, expect a passive aggressive message or two every now and then. Especially from the girl who claims she cleans it all the time…
You get pretty comfortable walking around in your underwear.
Don’t be alarmed if you walk into your housemate’s room unannounced and find them sitting on the floor in their undies getting ready. It happens many a time.
It is no myth that ‘menses’ do actually sync up.
Whether you announce it or the girls just know from your hormonal, often irrational, behaviour, everyone knows when it’s someone’s time of the month and after a small amount of time, they do actually sync. Weird right? You’ll soon find you’re all using it as an excuse to huddle on the couch in front of the telly with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s (just like every other night to be honest).
It’s a house diet or no diet at all.
One girl’s self-esteem is running really low so she declares what all best friends hate to hear, “I’m going on a diet.” After you’ve reminded her of the strong independent woman she is and that doesn’t work, you’ll all go on a house diet for moral support. Go girl power.
There is such a thing as a cheat day.
It’s official: life is too short to give up the real pleasures in life. Chinese? Indian? Pizza? Take your pick ladies.
House roles are a thing.
Once you’ve been living together for a couple of months, you soon learn who is who. My house has the following: ‘the mama’ – who either cleans or moans at everyone to clean, ‘the diffuser’ – the mellow girl who breaks any kind of tension, ‘the messy one’ – who doesn’t not know how to wash up and ‘the sassy one’ – who embodies all the characteristics of a bona fide goddess.
It’s 20 questions time the morning after someone pulls.
Whether you’re single and walked through the front door the following morning with your tail between your legs or you’re in a relationship and you’ve stayed with your boyfriend overnight, everyone wants to know every single dirty little detail.
Everyone knows everything.
Don’t think for one second that you can get away with doing something and your friends not knowing about it or soon finding out. Whether it’s having a little dig at someone else in the house, or getting up to go to the loo in the middle of the night, or having your boyfriend stay the night, yes we know and yes we heard you. All implications intended.
You’ll have to ‘bagsy’ the best group photo.
You know the time period between when you’ve got dressed for a night out and you’re all looking totally hot but the time before you’re totally smashed out of your brain? We call it the photo-shoot hour. Work it girls! You’ll take a million and one photos and everyone will have to shotgun their choice ready to upload it to all social media platforms in the morning.
You’ll have to dedicate a corner in the kitchen to the person who doesn’t do their dishes.
There’s always that one lazy person that cannot for the life of them do their washing up. It piles and piles and piles up until it impedes everyone else doing their washing up so ‘the mama’ puts all disgusting plates to one side and designates it ‘Lazy Person’s corner’.
You’ll have a house series.
Actually, you’ll probably have a few. Normally each girl will come into the house with a favourite show and it will then be their responsibility to give everyone else the D.L. and inform them every week when it’s on. For my house: Dance Moms, every weekday at 1pm and 7pm and what was The Great British Bake Off on Wednesday’s at 8pm.
Anyone who comes into the house will not speak the same language as you guys.
Thanks to the thousands of inside jokes and indecipherable lingo established between housemates, you will practically be speaking your own language and as the year goes by, the banter never stops. Lord help anyone upon entering the house that doesn’t live with you.
You’ll hate every single annoying thing they do but you couldn’t imagine not living with them.
Through everything – all the ups, all the downs, the unrecallable nights out and the lost hair ties, you would not want to live with anybody else.
What is my final pearl of wisdom, you may ask? Embrace the sisterhood girls. There will be no time like it!