‘When should we start drinking?’ The glorious call to arms which causes almost all students to start bouncing around like excitable puppies. Pre-drinks, we all know that they can make you or break you. A timeless ritual that throws cheap booze at the problem of preparing for the unavoidable chaos of a night out. Therefore, in attempt to keep everybody’s dignity intact and anticipation high for the night ahead, it is essential to treat pre-drinks with respect like the art form it is. What follows is an exploration of the ins and outs of this essential feature of a great night out in Portsmouth.
It is well known that art comes in many shapes and forms, so let us begin by examining the types of pre-drinker. Our first candidate can be the most annoying and hilarious friend all at the same time. They make us want to tear out our hair one minute but laugh until our stomachs hurt the next. ‘There’s always one!’ it’s the friend who never makes it to the club. The cubists of the pre-drinking community, these specimen find themselves unable to remain vertical by 11pm and leading the way on the chunder chart by midnight. Let’s face it though, we’ve all been there… thankfully though, going out unprotected in the chunder and lightning is not something many will remember the morning after. In stark contrast there’s the steady Eddie, the consumption connoisseur who just seems to keep it together no matter how much they throw back. We’ve all scoffed at hearing them boast they ‘can drink vodka like water’, but annoyingly it seems that they always can. Although they may be able to empty a funnel quicker than you just you wait until they’re stumbling around in the club like Bambi on ice, then you’ll know who the real winner is.
The next piece in this gallery of masterpieces is the drinking game, a tried and tested way of covering up borderline alcoholism as fun. Symbolising the point of no return in the night, bringing out the drink-stained cards (with at least two missing) means that there’s no turning back from here. Everyone has their favourite game but I am confident that Ring of Fire is the most common. Fun for all the fami- err I mean friendship group, Ring of Fire is guaranteed to have you dishing the dirt that you’ve been keeping secret for weeks in no time at all. One of the reasons this game is so great is that no two games are ever the same, it seems that everywhere you go each card means something different and has a different punishment. My favourite variation is that if a King is drawn said person temporarily leaves the game to play a round of shot roulette before returning to the ring. Another fan-favourite is ‘never have I ever’ a game undermined by testosterone. Observing the boys pit against each other for position of alpha male by discovering who has had the most outrageous sexual experience will undoubtedly draw the attention away from you drinking for anything that you wish you hadn’t done.
At least one of your friends fancies themselves as an amateur DJ and there’s no denying it. If you can’t think of who it is then it might just be you… My final area of artistic analysis focusses on the accompaniment to any successful pre-drinks, the music. Choosing the right music is a tough gig and if you’re handed the hallowed aux cable then you better make sure that everyone’s in the mood by the time you go out. From my experience you should should start off slower and then build up as the night goes on, much like alcoholic consumption. Perhaps begin with Indie classics, progress into house or classic R&B, and finish with the dance records that everyone will be attempting to dance to later on. However, it should be mentioned that this is reliant on the fact that you have control of the music for the entirety of pre-drinks, an achievement as rare as making your 9am after a heavy one. I don’t know about the rest of you but as far as I know there is always a ‘new band’ that has to be played or someone’s ‘party playlist’ that is bound to enlighten the musical prowess of the group. Consequently, the speakers are usually as swarmed as Megabite after an eventful evening of ‘cutting shapes’, blowing your overdraft, and shouting in people’s ears for them to still have no idea what you are saying.
And so we have reached the end of our brief journey into the world of pre-drinking and all that it encompasses. I hope that on the way I have been able to share with you some of my knowledge and insight into my experiences. Perhaps from now on you will consider pre-drinking to be the art form that it is. Majestic if executed correctly or catastrophic if carried out badly. I’ll leave you with this, if you are to remember only one thing from this article, ‘don’t be that guy’.